The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Boner (A Skyward Sword Parody)
by isNotAvailable13
Summary: Join Link as he wakes to another adventure to awaken the master sword.
1. Save file 1

This is a tale you humans have passed down through uncounted generations…

It tells of a war of unmatched scale and ferocity, the likes of which would never be seen again.

One dark, fateful day, the earth cracked wide and malevolent forces rushed forth from the fissure. They mounted a brutal assault upon the surface people, driving the land into deep despair… They burnt forest to ash, choked the land's sweet springs, and murdered without hesitation. They did all this in their lust to take the ultimate power protected by Her Grace, the goddess.

The power she guarded was without equal. Handed down by gods of old, this power gave its holder the means to make any desire a reality. Such was the might of the ultimate power that the old ones placed it in the care of the goddess. To prevent this great power from falling into the hands of the evil swarming the lands… The goddess gathered the surviving humans on a outcropping of earth. She sent it skyward, beyond the reach of the demonic hordes. Beyond even the clouds. With the humans safe, the goddess joined forces with the land dwellers and fought the evil forces, sealing them last, peace was restored to the surface.

This is a tale that you humans have told for many ages, generation to generation… But there are other legends, long hidden away from memory, that are intertwined with this tale. Now, a new legend bound to this great story stands ready to be revealed.A legend that will be forged by your own hand.

* * *

Link stood in darkness. Suddenly before him a huge monster appeared its mouth opened and it roared at link"Rise, Link… the time has come for you to awaken… You are fated to have a hand in a great destiny, and it will soon find you… The time has come for you to awaken… Link…" said a glowing light. Suddenly Link looked to his right and saw a giant purple bird. It screeched loudly.

Link woke up, his dream of that dark realm disappeared and he was back in his room. He looked up to his window ad saw a familiar purple birds spat out a letter which hit link in the face. he opened and read it.

Hey, sleepyhead. I know how much you like to sleep in, so I'm guessing this letter will be your alarm clock this morning. Did I guess right? Rise and shine, Link! Today's the Wing Ceremony! You promised to meet me before it starts, remember? You'd better not keep me waiting. – Zelda.

Link bolted up, ad ran out of his room down the hall and out the front door of the knight academy. he jumped up a couple of crates and jumped to the roof of the academy. He dashed all the way up the stairs to the goddess statue and there he saw Zelda.

"Hey! Good morning, Link. I'm glad to see my Loft wing got you out of bed. I was pretty sure you'd sleep in and forget to meet me this morning. But look at this instrument! And look at this outfit! They're mine to use today in the ceremony, since I'll be playing the role of the goddess. Aren't they beautiful? Especially this instrument! They tell me it's just like the one the goddess was said to have in the legends. It sounds gorgeous too. I asked Father about it, and he says it's called a harp. And look at these clothes! I made this wrap myself, and we get to use it in today's ceremony! Between the harp and this outfit, I'm going to make a great goddess today! I got you up early this morning because I wanted you to be the first to see me like this, Link! So… how do I look?"

"Y... You look great." He took a step forward and kissed her deeply. She pulled away.

"Link?"

"yes"

"I... I want to try something..."

"Ok" She reached around back and unzipped her dress letting it fall to the floor. Link ogled at her naked body. Zelda started to stroke his shaft. It stiffened fully as she ran her tongue from the base to the tip and slipped his dick into her mouth. She bobbed her head up and down. Her hand slithered down to her panties. She started to circle around her clit causing her to moan around his cock. Suddenly Link grabbed her head and pushed it down so she would deep throat him. After 5 seconds of her gagging he let her up. He laid back as to let her spin around and put her barely covered pussy in front of his face. He reached and tore through her panties. She sat on his face and let him eat her out as she bobbed her head on his dick. Both moaned loudly as they both reached their climax.

"Ah, there you are, Zelda. Are you all prepared for today's ceremony?" Gaepora said

"Ah, Link, you're here too. Outstanding. It's encouraging to see you up early, given your capacity for sleep. No doubt today's ceremony had you too excited to close your eyes for once! If you win today's ceremonial race, you'll get to participate in the post-race ritual with Zelda, so give it your best out there."

"Yes. About that… Father, I don't know if he can do it! Recently Link hasn't been practicing much at all for the ceremony! And even when he's out riding his loft wing, he's just lazily gliding around. Probably daydreaming! I don't know what he's thinking. He's going to have to be in perfect control of his bird to win today".

"No need to worry yourself, Zelda. Though you may have a point. Today's Wing Ceremony tests the skill of the rider as well as his bond to his bird. Victory will not come easily. And, as you pointed out, I haven't seen him practicing as hard as some of the other students. But you've known him since you were both very little. You should know better than to fret about him! You see, Link and his loft wing share a special connection. I've never seen anything quite like it. As you know, each of us in Skyloft is but one half of a pair. We are only made whole by our loft wings, the guardian birds that the goddess bestows upon each of us as a symbol of her divine protection. When we are young, every one of us meets our loft wing under the great statue of the goddess. It's quite a big moment, as I'm sure you recall. Ahh, but that first meeting between Link and his Loft wing was extraordinary. The bird that came to him was a crimson loft wing. It is a breed so rare we were sure for some time that it had vanished from the line. Yes, and the boy and his bird seemed to share a profound connection from the moment they met. Do you recall when Link and that Loft wing of his first met? What a sight! The little boy just hopped up on that bird and gracefully flew away, without even a moment of instruction! They were meant for each other. And judging by how jealous you were that day, I'd say the friendship he shared with his bird didn't go unnoticed by you, my dear. Ah, but who can blame you? I'm sure you weren't the only one envious of the powerful bond shared by Link and his bird. Anyone who is a part of something special is bound to catch some nasty looks sooner or later."

"This contest is nothing to laugh at, Father! This ceremony is part of the final test for those training to become knights of Skyloft! If Link doesn't fly fast enough during the race… What if Link messes up his big chance… What if he's not allowed to become a knight?"

"Calm down, my dear. It will be fine. Honestly, it's almost as though you become a completely different person when you worry about Link."

"Listen, Link, you'd better fly your heart out today. At the very least, you need to squeeze in a little practice time before the race!" She said as she dragged Link over to one of the diving platforms,"Come on! You'll thank me later!"


	2. Save file 2

"Ok, Link, go ahead! Just press down and call your loft wing!"

"Hmm… His bird sure is taking a long time to get here…" said Gaepora.

"Something's wrong!"

Zelda jumped off the ledge. She called her bird and dived to save Link.

"Hang in there, Link! I've got you!"

"Are you two all right?" asked Zelda's dad.

"I'm sorry, friend. I didn't mean to push you so hard. You didn't sprain your wing, did you?" She said to her loftwing.

"This is very odd, Link. What could have possibly happened to your loftwing? For a bird to ignore the call of his master… It's unheard of! And you still can't sense your bird nearby, eh, Link? This is quite a problem, especially considering the Wing Ceremony is about to start…" said Gaepora.

"Link, when you said you couldn't sense your loft wing, well… I should have believed you …I'm sorry. I need to tend to my own loft wing, so I'll catch up with you later. You'd better go on ahead and see if you can find where your bird gone!" said Zelda.

Link ran around skyloft searching for his bird. Eventually he heard some screeching from under a cliff. He knew the only way was to go under the waterfall. He hopped over some stones and ran into a cave. He killed some keese and chu-chus. Eventually he burst out of the cave and onto a path under skyloft.

"Link!" Suddenly Zelda appeared on her loftwing, "Hey, Link, I was hoping I'd find you here.

I heard you'd gone searching for your bird around the waterfall, so I thought I'd fly around and help you look. How's your search going? Any sign of your Loftwing? Oh no… Well, let's not lose hope yet. There's a place up ahead that Groose and his gang are always hanging around. Maybe we'll find something there! Huh...? Who... Who's that? Who's calling for me? Oh, sorry, Link. I got distracted for a moment. Let's go!"

They burst around a corner.

"Look! There he is! No doubt about it. That's your Loft wing, Link!"

Link took out his sword and slashed the ropes that held up the bars trapping his loftwing.

"We should hurry, Link. Now that your Loftwing is free, you should fly to the ceremony… But before you go, I have to ask you something. I...I heard this voice a few moments ago. Did you hear it too? It's been happening a lot lately. It's the strangest feeling… Almost like someone is calling out to me… Have you ever wondered what's beneath the clouds? Some say that it's an empty, barren place, or even that there's nothing at all below, but I just have this feeling that they're wrong.Some of Father's old texts talk about a place called the surface. The old tales

describe a whole world under there, far more vast than Skyloft! The thing is, no one's ever been down there to see it, and our Loft wings won't fly through the cloud barrier...But I can't help imagining the wild things that might be waiting below. Someday, I want to see for myself. Oh, sorry, Link. We don't have time to talk! Let's get going.

—SOME TIME LATER—

"The Wing Ceremony will now begin! Participating students, please

assemble!"

"Looks like it's race time. Good luck, Link!" Said Zelda.

"Your attention, please. At last we are ready to begin the Wing Ceremony. I was beginning to worry that we'd have to proceed without Link, but luckily that is no longer a concern. I'm glad you could all make it. Before we start, I'll explain the rules for today's competition. I have attached a small statuette to this bird, who I will then release to the skies. On my signal, dash and dive off the ledge. Once you are in the air,mount your Loftwing. Remember to call your bird promptly once you dive off the edge. Whoever catches the bird and claims the statuette will be this year's

champion. Those are the rules. As you well know, today's champion will graduate to the next class, bringing him one step closer to knighthood. He will also receive a gift from the young woman chosen to play the role of the

goddess in this year's ritual. Today is a special day for many reasons, but it is also the twenty-fifth anniversary of our fine institution. To celebrate the occasion, today's champion shall also receive his gift high atop the Statue of the Goddess. I hear the young woman performing the role of the goddess this year has crafted

the gift herself. And as you all well know, the role of the goddess this year will be performed

by… The lovely Zelda! Let's see your finest flying out there. Show me just how hard you've been

practicing. Also, I want to see good, clean flying. Anyone caught interfering with other riders will answer to me!" Said Owlan

"That goes double for you, Groose!" Said the head master.

"all right, gentlemen, line up. At my command, the competition will begin! Go!" Said Owlan."

Link, Groose, Carlin and Stritch jumped off the ledge and started to chase the statuette. Link started to catch up with it but just as he was about to grab it Groose yelled something.

"Hey! Don't you know this is my day to get all the glory?"

"Yeah, you heard him! Let's see how you fly with egg on your face." Cawlin said as he started to chuck eggs at Link. Link expertly maneuvered around the eggs shortened the distance between him and his goal. He reached out and grabbed the statuette. Suddenly out of nowhere Zelda fell into his lap.

"Link! Don't worry--I'm fine! Great flying, Link! Congratulations! Now we'd better get on with the ceremony!" Link flew to the statue and they got off on the platform.

"Link, hand me that Bird Statuette you grabbed in the race. I must offer it to the goddess. Great goddess, guiding light and protector of our people, grant us your blessing and mercy as I act in your stead during this ceremony. Valiant youth who grasped victory at the celebration of the bird folk, In accordance with the old ways, I now bestow the blessings of the goddess upon you. The blessings of the goddess drift down from the heavens aloft a sail, which I now pass on to you."

"Link! Quit goofing. This is supposed to be a sacred ritual, remember? You know, they say that the goddess gave the Sailcloth to her chosen hero long ago. Of course, the one you're holding isn't the same one. I've been working hard to

finish making this Sailcloth in time to give it to today's champion. I'm really glad I got to give it to you, Link. Make sure you take good care of it, OK? Thanks for making it up here to do this with me today like you promised, Link. Now we really should finish up this ritual...You... do know what happens at the end, right?" Link shook his head. Zelda spun around and unzipped her zipper. Her dress, for the second time that day, fluttered to the ground. She pulled his pants down. She grabbed his penis and started to stroke. His limp dick slowly hardened. She kissed the tip of his dick and licked from the base to the head and then put her mouth around it and started to suck on it. She expertly played with his balls with one hand and the other dropped to her clit and started to rub. Her head bobbed up and down on his shaft. She moaned around his penis and started to slip her index finger deep into her vagina and pulled it out. Link slapped her tit leaving a red mark. he rolled it and slapped it over and over again. Zelda slipped her middle finger in her pussy and started to pump faster. Zelda stopped sucking him and lay down on the floor. Link slipped his tongue into her clit and started move it around inside slapping into her g-spot multiple times. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He licked up her body from her vagina to her mouth and started to french here. Suddenly he pulled away.

"May I..." Link asked.

"Yes. Please" Zelda pleaded.

He slowly slipped his dick halfway into her pussy making her moan loudly. Once he got comfortable he started to thrust in faster. Link flipped Zelda onto her back put her leg on his shoulder and started to pound her pussy. he bent down and kissed her deeply.

When he pulled away she was so utterly amazed at how good Link was for a virgin. Linked slammed into her causing her to orgasm. Link started to moan and his thrusts became more eratic. He started pumping harder and faster slamming into her g spot causing her immense pleasure. Link lifted her up and lay her on her back with her legs up in a v. He started to powerfully thrust into her causing her to moan loudly. He bent down and kissed her. He pounded into her giving both of them intense amounts of pleasure. Link felt pressure building in his abdomen, he knew that he was gonna cum soon. Zelda rolled her boobs in her hands. Again Zelda squeaked as she hit a third orgasm. Her pussy clamped down on Link's penis.

"I'm going to CUM!" he said.

"In pussy. C...cum in my pussy, Link please, cum in my pussy". Link grunted as he thrust a few more times before dumping his load deep into her. Link pulled his dick out of her pussy. They stood up and got dressed. Zelda kissed link before jumping off and calling her loftwing.


	3. AuthorsUpdate

Hey guys thanks for reading this story but I am deciding to focus on other stories right now. I might come back to write more for this fanfic.


End file.
